☼ The Dreamer's Diary ☼

I went to the school music club after the class at 2pm for my VERY FIRST Guitar lesson!!! It was exiting to have some classmates to join in along as well. But the guitar has made me realize something... something about my hands... I noticed that I couldn't press the strings properly on the right handed acoustic guitar with my left hand NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED!!! ... Not because my left hand is lack of strength but the fingers are quite hardened due to usage of excessive writing with it that... thus, it has become quite inflexible when it comes to pressing with fingers...

After the learning session, I asked the instructor if there's a left handed guitar provided for me to buy. He said that since there are only a few left-handers in the world, the price of getting one would be more expensive than the right handed counterpart... Why does price discrimination even happen to people when it comes to handedness? Even worse, my budget for one is even quite low... That's definitely NOT FAIR!!!

I've recently found a webpage that features it. Click HERE to try the test. My test result is shown below:

My Personality Type is INFP... What's yours? I'll post it soon below my profile... (^_^)

Okay, so I was given a few weeks to do some researches about one TV Show that is aired within the country in 2 years time for Public Speaking. So I chose F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for my assignment, 10 minutes speech because it is still aired in TV locally. But I couldn't believe that I actually talked like crap for the speech but the tutor said "Very PROFESSIONAL" this afternoon. It has totally shocked me...

What does he actually mean from our conversation? Why am I the one who seem to be trusted compared to the other? Why am I the "ONLY ONE"?

A part of our conversation goes below here.. (Note - it's revised a little):

Why? Why am I the one to be blamed? WHY?

I still can't believe what was happening to me yesterday. I was blamed and scolded for everything regarding group assignment for English by the tutor for no reason. Wanna know what she said? Here goes;

"I'm so disappointed with all of you for doing the wrong thing! Especially YOU (pointed at me as the whole class watched)!"

JESUS! WHY AM I THE ONE TO BE BLAMED WHEN IT COMES TO GROUP ASSIGNMENT? YOU NAMED IT GROUP ASSIGNMENT AND WHEN IT COMES TO BLAMING, EVERYONE IS TO BE BLAMED IN THE GROUP WITH NO EMPHASIZING! IT WILL NOT BE A RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OTHER MEMBERS WHEN IT COMES TO EMPHASIZING ME! YOU ACTED LIKE YOU'VE SAID THE APPROPRIATE THINGS BUT YOU DIDN'T, YOU STUPID TUTOR! SHAME ON YOU! SHAME! ENGLISH TUTOR EH? ENGLISH TUTORS WITH NO MANNERISM LIKE YOU SHOULD PACK THEIR BAGS AND SCRAMBLE!

Things got even worse when it was Mid Term Examination for Accounting. I couldn't believe myself that I didn't have enough time to complete the final question! All the rewards I got for those was a heavy traffic jam in the evening after school. There wasn't any dinner on the table when I reached kitchen after arriving home... (sigh~)... and finally ended the day with a big sleep at late night.

Bad things went on this morning when I reached school. I was told roughly to be the host for debate during Public Speaking lecture, and the process of being watched started again... (sigh~)... But it was all okay as I could get a desk and a chair, sitting in front quietly and listened what the 1st and 2nd group debated about. But the debate and what the other chairman said were such a mess! They must be lacking of knowledge at debates...

Another Mid Term Examination... Computer Studies. I don't understand why those lecturers were so intense and shouted at everyone else in the hall about the examination rules. The examination was fine but there was 1 question which I couldn't answer... What a waste...

I do hope the days in the future can be better... I feel regretful for studying at the school where teachers blame student...

I didn't attend school for lessons today because of emergencies. It is seemed that the condition is harder than what I expected... sigh~ There are upcoming mid term examinations in Accounting and Computer Studies. I don't know if I can pass them but I'll try my best... Wish me luck!

The lame front page

~Done~

Just arrived home from the Arts Supplier shop in the city to get my assignment done. I tried to confront him this afternoon but my attempts have proved to be failed. I don't even know how to confront him. It really makes me more disappointed when I saw him holding hands with a girl after school. That has made my heart feeling numb~

Anyway, thanks to all my new friends who have been supporting me to get over him. I promise to you, Esthie, that we will stay strong no matter what. Remember that is our promise which strengthens our long-lasted friendship. Thanks again for being supportive.

I wanted to cry,
But my tears are dry.
I gave it a try,
Somehow I wished I didn't pry...

Phew~ What nice school days~ I had never shown what I've learned at my school... But now they will be available HERE!!! These is one of the example of assignment works I've done for Art Class. The POP UP CARD! But it has not finished yet... Just wait and see okay?

You've been making me go insane until I find it's hard to forget you... The charming smiles of yours, your tanned skin, the passionate-toned voice of yours, and the smell of your existence has been really hard to be forgotten in my mind from the first day I met you. But you never actually know, that I have fallen in love with you. Just with you~ And I've realized that falling in love is so difficult and suffering.

I thought I will get over you if I stayed away from you. I tried to stay away... but you appear in front of me directly everyday... And every attempt of mine to avoid and get over you has been destructed... just by you... without noticing it yourself.

I really hate being with you. Don't you know you've been making me suffocating? Don't you know you've broken my heart? Don't you know every time you approach me makes me crying in my own heart? I'm starting to hate myself for fallen in love with you... It's really crushing my heart into smaller pieces after my heart is being broken... Even to these days, I've been dreaming about you without my desperation. I know and truly understand that we'll never be together. Just because you're... not... gay.

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well, I deserve nothing more than I get
'Coz nothing I have is truly mine...

It's really disappointing that I can't believe they have been VERY true... I just hate being with my new friends. It's actually not their fault but it's MY fault not to make them understand me. Can't they even get what I really mean behind all my false yet silly jokes and flirts?

I think I can't do anything more about it but staying away from them. I thought I will have a lot of friends who will understand and accept me. But it seems that I'm the one who has put too much expectations in my life. I realize that I've now learned a lesson...

I've been searching,
For acceptation.
I've been waiting,
For the one to come.
I've been appreciating
For the gifts that God has given me.
Somehow...
I've been hoping,
For a rainbow to come after a pouring rain.